Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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