Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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