Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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