My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm really busy with my period
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