I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize