Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
