How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
