You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize