Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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