well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
