hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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