Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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