I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
