Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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