Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
