I think my vagina is haunted
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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