these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
