When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
