I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's great music for shaving your balls
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize