I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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