All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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