We won't sleep together?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
