Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
