I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't notice because vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
