Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
