Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
