we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
