Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She bit a glass in half.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
