I heard we made out
My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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