He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
