I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
