dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
