Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
