i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
