my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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