my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
