Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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