When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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