Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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