My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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