I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
