Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
