Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
