Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
