And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
BRING THE BAGELS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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