Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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