Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
