I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
