You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
