I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
