Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
