i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
