I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
