Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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