I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
