he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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