my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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