I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
