What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
