Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i drank out of a bidet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
