I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
