spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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