Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
