Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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