No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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