no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
