Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
