Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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