It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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