What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
