Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
