Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
